My Life As I Know It

Reflections Embrace Me

Sunday mornings. Sunday mornings normally have a comfortable feeling for me and cause me to reflect. I find it interesting the patterns people succumb to and the things that drive or motivate different people. While I do not consider myself a writer, it is something I enjoy and words, most times, come easily to me. However, when I look back, my best writing is when I am in the right mood, passionate about someone or something, and the stars align. Perhaps this is why Sully says that writing is great until you add a deadline.

What brings passion in writing? It varies but a picture, a song, or an experience are the most likely candidates for me. When you step back from yourself and try to objectively reflect on who you are and what characteristics blend together to make you unique, it is nearly impossible because you look through a different pair of glasses than anyone else. Those glasses are tinted and ground by the experience and prejudices you have. I see myself as an unusual cat. My mind seldom stops. Images, memories, checklists, and people flow through my head, many times, at a rapid pace. These are the times when my typing cannot keep up with my thoughts. That upsetting thing is, more and more lately, if I do not capture those thoughts or document them, they vanish.

The changes in life drive my mind often to places I do not want to go. The passing of my parents, the loss of someone close, and the mortality we each face. Recently I have been drawn to stories and articles of near death experiences. I watched a video of a man seated in 1D on the plane that went down in the Hudson and what he learned from the experience. Do it now - Don't save anything for later - eliminate things that don't matter with people who do matter - choose to be happy versus choosing to be right. Be the best parent you can be. Strong stuff.

Today's article I read was written by a man who worked palliative care. His patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. He was with them for the last 3 to 12 weeks of their lives. What did he learn?

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

 

The real question is how do you align yourself with what matters and how far do you go to get that alignment. I go into the day stepping back and wondering what is next and how can I improve. I fully recognize how luck I am yet how fragile life has become. Clearly, I am out of control. What real changes can a person make that are sustainable.

 

Yesterday Kim and I made the decision to move forward with a 10-year plan for our Prairieburg Property. We have hired a company to do one-on-one education to move to a sustainable permaculture that will produce more with less maintenance and less intervention. While this may not seem like much, it will drastically change this property forever. It is the right thing to do.

 

Today, I want to do more of the "right things". To be kinder, gentler, to be positive, and to be happy rather than right. That is a tough decision for me. Trust me, it would change everything.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bronnie-ware/top-5-regrets-of-the-dyin_b_1220965.html

 

Belize - Wrap Up

This will go down as the vacation where everything went smooth. In retrospect, there are always so many things that can change a vacation - winter travel, flights, delays, luggage, rental cars, reservations, food poisoning, and the list goes on. Things just went as planned yet it was the most unplanned trip we have ever taken out of the country. That said, what kept things going was us having had some Central America travel experience (Panama) and no high expectations.

We saw a jungles from the roadside that were dominated by coconut trees and pre-historic looking vegetation. The middle of the country was mountainous yet nothing extreme - vegetation covered the peaks entirely. The main surfaced roads were good but limited. There was typically one one main road going from city to city. Once off the main road, it got treacherous but passable. The one lane, red dirt roads into the jungles were not for the weak minded - 4-wheel drive is recommended. Be prepared that most rentals will be manual transmission - it adds to the adventure. They use rainwater as the primary source - the country gets 160 inches of rain a year. During the rainy season where they have months of 30 inches of rain, they have learned to manage the water. During our stay, it rained nearly every night which is typical.

The people were kind, spoke english, but did not go out of their way to engage you. It is a melting pot of culture including Mexican, Indian, Asian, Mayan, and expats. Most people did not drive cars so traffic was minimal except for buses. The major danger in driving was missing the walkers and bike riders who traveled the sides of the roads without reflective gear or light colored clothes. Many people are killed annually on the sides of the roads.

 

 

It is a raw country so pick your spots. Be careful on what you rent and where - Placencia was good, Maya Beach a little further out. I would not recommend Dangriga or Hopkins . These areas are not tourist friendly and accommodations were lacking for our taste. We were lucky in finding great entertainment.

Here are our recommendations:

Rent a car - cost about $700/week but gives you access to the spread out recreation.

 

 

 

 

Mayflower - $40 (for four adults) - far from easy 3 mile climb to a beautiful waterfall. It is steep, buggy, and a workout. Be prepared with great shoes, very light weight clothing (long sleeves and pants ok if they breathe), and heavy bug spray. This was hard to find as the sign is pointed toward the road - uses the same road as a lodge marked by a sign with an owl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blue Hole National Park Cave Tubing - $44/person - good experience, guided underground tube float lasting about 2 hours - there is a 20 minute walk through the forest each way. You are guaranteed to get wet - take a waterproof bag and sturdy shoes that can get soaked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caribbean Sailing / Snorkeling - $125/person - 9 am to 3 pm - great experience with Rob on this 42' catamaran. They know their stuff, Pam is the chef and Clint the local guy (his gecko friend just hung on for the free trip!). We had a wonderful day - sunny and 4-5 knot wind. Food was good, snorkling the reef was great, and it was a memorable trip on Christmas Eve day (thank you Kim!).

 

 

 

 

Xunantunich Mayan ruins - $20/ four adults - long drive from Maya Beach (200 km) to San Ignacio then follow the signs. Worth the trip particularly with the howler monkeys all wound up to punctuate the jungle feeling. Get a guide!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hainey Farms - hidden gem - $35 plate for lunch - we found this trough locals and was recommended as the #1 things to see. Harold (Mr. Hainey) was a gas, great host, and very knowledgable of the country, the culture, and the vegatation. This is a 2,050 acre farm with every possible fruit and nut. It includes a shrimp farm (250 acres) and a huge garden. If you go in July - August, the bounty is rich. He will send you home with every flower and fruit you can imagine. Off season, there is still bounty but it isn't as ripe. Emma (the guru, is a short Phillipino woman who runs everything we were told) was not there so our trip was not exactly the same. Great experience!

 

Placencia - good place to use as home - we had good experiences at the following:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tipsy Tuna - great location and well maintained - good drinks, fun sports bar

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wendy's - good food, great veranda, good breakfast

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keith's for coffee - across the street from Wendy's - great coffee and cappuccino - fun to talk to Keith who has travelled the world. Small but comfortable - open at 7 am and 22 speed bumps from our place in Maya Beach

Barefoot Bar - a local gathering spot - food was okay, drinks were cheap - backgammon and on the main drag - clean

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Omar's Creole Grub - Not as great looking but the food was good and cheap - lobster tail - $17

Maya Beach Area 

Maya Beach Hotel / Bistro - quality food, drinks, coffee - pleasant, great location - open 7 am -9 pm. Internet with purchase.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mango's - fun, slight lower quality food but good - reasonable prices

Green Parrot - step down in quality of accomadations - never ate here - just drinks - friendly - local women did the cooking

Jaguar Lanes Bowling - fun, well managed, great break - serve drinks and food - $3/game - 4 -lane bowling alley

Belize - Settling In

As in most cases, you figure it out. How to get around, what to do, and what to avoid. We are finding our way through this rough, raw country and keeping our expectations in check. Overall, it is warm, humid, relatively easy to get around, and the people are helpful. Only once after four days have I felt uncomfortable. That happened in Dangriga getting diesel when I felt we were out of place and the man filling our fuel tank was particularly interested in how much I had in my billfold. That was short lived and was never a true threat. Dangriga overall was not comfortable. We walked the streets of this busy town and it was clear to all, we were the only white people in town. We found a busy restaurant and had a couple beers and ordered form the young asian man. The food was ridiculously good. Z had fried chicken dinner cut in indistinguishable pieces, Kim a great vegetable soup and conch, J had sweet and sour pork, and I had curry lobster. It was one of the best overall and filling meals we have had - $4 a plate.

On Friday, we visited the Mayflower National Park and climbed to the top of Antelope Falls a mere 3 miles up. It was a challenge taking over three hours round trip but the experience was worthwhile. The climb was steep using ropes many times to gain access to the next level but the 1,000 foot falls and pool at the end were hard to match. The trek through the jungle was eye-opening. Leaf cutter ants, birds, and the thick vegetation we hard to believe. We took away a great memory, pictures, and a ton of bug bites.

 

 

We then traveled to the inland Blue Hole National Park to tub the underground caves on a guided 90 minute float/paddle. We saw many types of rock formations and a world of bats. The toughest part was the 120 kilometer drive home on the rain and dark. These roads are rough, the potholes are numerous, and the narrow bridges are barely one car wide. While the unannounced speed bumps and humps caused my more issues in the dark by far the worse part was the large number of walkers and bike riders who popped out of no where making the experience video-like but with real lives in the balance. It is not an experience I would repeat and recommend to avoid long drives at night on these unmarked black roads.

 

 

On Christmas Day we ventured out to the Mayan ruins which are close to the Guatemala border. Xunantunich is oldest and largest Mayan ruin in Belize. It was clean and a great experience enhanced by the beautiful day, the howler monkeys, and the fact that it was the official mark of the first day of the last year on the Mayan calendar. We were on the top of the highest point in the ruins when a prehistoric sounds of the howler monkeys began. It was so loud and so unbelievable that I thought it was a recording. We soon found our the males were protecting their territory and there wer several moneys we watch play and eat in the tops of the trees. There were two females, two babies, and clearly a couple of males were close. We made the 200 kilometer drive back to Maya Beach and had peanut butter sandwhiches. We had reservations at the Bistro for dinner, enjoyed a bottle of wine, and called it an early night.

Belize - The Country of Speed Humps

As always, this trip has already become interesting. For the
last 3 years, we have taken trips over Christmas and it has now become somewhat
of a tradition. Our first trip was traveling to Yellowstone in 2009. It was
difficult to beat the snow coach trip on Christmas day. Spending 12 hours in a
van equipped with treads and 6 people you didn't know driven by the Yellowstone
school principle was a unique experience. It was the start of something for us.
I have become somewhat of a Grinch as no one in my family needs another $25
gift exchange to get something that will join the other things I have sitting
around I don't use. Even gift cards seem to be the wrong thing as there
are very little thoughts and I am a person who buys what I want when I want it.
It goes against my desire to have to go somewhere before this date to spend
this much. I am losing my love of the holiday - we have ruined it.

 

 

 

 

 

In 2010, we spend Christmas Day on the Panama Canal. Now
that is something etched in my memory versus and pair of socks or gloves. I
like adventures not hotels and resorts. Panama was an adventure. As so it
continues. On Tuesday we drove to Rosemont IL to stay overnight at a Holiday
Inn who had park & fly program to catch our 5:55 am flight to Belize
via Atlanta. Everything was on time and although we had multiple opportunities
for problems, none of the normal stuff reached up to bite me in the butt. We
touched down in Belize at 1:20 PM.

Upon a referral, we immediately went to the duty free and
bought a weeks’ worth of liquor - (2) 2liter bottles of Goose and a bottle of
Patron. Bill = $84. Question was will I really drink that much - let me think -
7 days on a foreign peninsula with my wife and two boys - maybe I should get
more Parton. We left to go to Hetz to get our car. A nice enough guy went
through all the rental car BS - all the rules, $18 / day for insurance?; pass,
license, only driver, looks at the car - good news is it was dented and
scratched on ever side corner and end. Can you drive a stick? No problem - I
don't know where I am, I have a vague idea of where I am going, in a unknown
4-wheels drive Toyota, on roads that are 1.5 cars wide, yeah, let's do the
manual transmission just for interest.

We left the parking lot and, amazingly, did not stall it.
The 3-4 hour drive to Maya Beach was relatively smooth. We stopped at the
prison gift shop just to mingle with the inmates and bought a cross and some
jewelry from Mathew before continuing. We drove at about 120 k/hr. for much of
the route until we saw a grocery store and bought a few things including red
stripe beer for the remainder of the trip. We had not eaten so Kim made peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches and I washed it down with Red Stripe Beer. Opening
the Red Stripe was Jake's mission and we ended up using a belt buckle that is
now standard issue for these trips.

 

The trip seemed to be going smoothly with the normal minor
stuff that happens on a foreign soil - occasional 4 feet deep pot holes, a few
stray dogs meandering the roads, multiple one lane bridges that were less than
a car wide, and a couple round abouts. Until, while taking a drink of the
second beer, I spot a police barricade with several cops holding M-16 riles
stopping every car. We quickly hid the beer and went through the paces - they
were looking for drugs not pasty white Americans driving toward the beach. We
laughed and kept on.

 

We drove through jungles, orchards, and a banana farm. Just
before sunset, we arrived at our place and got through the transaction to get
our house. A quick run to the Chinese market to get ice and we went home to
make spaghetti and drinks. The boys watch back to the Future on a 13"
monitor and we hit the sack early.

Why Are We Here

Many things move me in this world. Two stick out dramatically - music and photography. A song will take me to another world in a heartbeat and immerse me in the words and flow as well as the beat. For the past few years, I have been a fan of Darius Rucker. Years ago he topped the charts with Hootie and the Blowfish but on his own, I believe he has found another level. We saw Darius in concert in Dubuque Iowa. The setting was intimate as the place held about 3,500 people and all the seats were within 100 feet of the stage. His passion, his voice, his words all draw me in. At intermission, he came out alone and sang ocapello. I have yet to find the song ever done like that but it was powerful.

Today in my head are his words of "why am I here and where did I come from" off the song If I had Wings. "Why do we hate" "Have we forgotten something we knew as children?" There are so many times in my life that I am moved to the level of tears by the flood or memories of a photo that takes me back to a powerful time in my life. The tears are driven by the strength of the emotion, the feeling of losing that moment, the thankfulness of being able to feel the power of that frame of time.

I go into the day with the desire to touch someone and to leave them better when I am gone. I have a couple down days at home before a wild week starting Monday - Chicago, NYC, Toronto - high pressure meetings with board members and investment bankers. The goon news is no body knows our business better than us and we are doing extremely well. Hopeully it will be a week with more good memories than bad.

Watching The Train Pass

Life continues to be interesting. Jake left for college August 24th and he has yet to return home. We have visited him a few times as recent as last week taking him to dinner for his birthday. He is immersed in his new world, he is very comfortable, and free to do as he pleases. He was in need of the change from the pressues I placed on him but my concerns are centered on him finding a path of success. All I can do is hope and pray that what he has learned over the past 18 years will take him in a direction that will make him happy. 

Zach is handling a heavy class load and cross country without too many issues. At his young age, he seems to be adjusted and not fazed by all he has on his plate. We met a friend of Kim's this week who was on a similar path many years ago; he is science focused, obtained his PhD from Cornell at age 23, and currently works for a local company in their research. His advice is don't be overly concerned about where you get your undergrad. He recommended ISU for non-medical, California schools of Stanford, UCLA, UC Sana Barber,  North Carloina schools including Duke, NC, and NC State. For medical he said Iowa was hard to beat and he is a strong proponent of public state schools but warned how difficult it is to graduate in four years unless you are on top of class sequence. We should heed his recommendations - he sits on the board for ISU.

We acted as DD for Cole and Kolin this week at Octoberfest in Amana. Interesting to drive young couples around after they have partied. I am getting old to say the least. T is in Madrid for the weekend on a short vacation so we won't talk to her but from the pics on facebook, it looks like they are enjoyed the city centre.

Our lives are changing as we move away from the chapter of being needed daily by your children for safety, security, nourishment, and transportation. The next chapter is not totally developed but it includes weekend talks via skype, college visits to drop off needed items, occasional visits for talk and wine, and choosing the college path that makes the most sense. As a scientist, I fully understand this is a part of the cycle of life but, as in the first part of our lives, there is now operators manual. We are learning from the changes every day.

It is a strange time for us. We have not been in this place before - both girls married, J prepping for college with a move-in date three weeks away, Z in Spain for week three, and more time to ourselves than we are use to having. Kim and I do better together when we are being pulled five different ways. However, I look around and wonder how we will ever catch up. It has been a strange year and I am betting it is not over.

T spend a month in the U.S. but, as always, there was plenty to do between her trip to Nashville, Water Island, the Iowa wedding, and seeing friends and family. She clearly has much on her mind and many decisions on which way she should go. The great news is she and Jorge are doing well. We enjoyed Jorge so much more this trip as his English and understanding was so much better and it allowed him to fully engage in everything we did. This was our fifth time together and he fits into so well and adds something special to our ventures.

 

 

 

 

Cole's wedding lasted nearly a week and while things went well, we were ready to get back to more of a routine. In reflecting back, there were no real issues. Sure we had our differences which is bound to happen with 25+ people, island travel, two ceremonies, and a state park reception for 120 people. There was a broken Mercedes tail light, three golf carts a little worse for the wear, a few testy moments, a flight delay stranding us in Atlanta for 17 hours, and a ton of behind the curtain work. But overall, we enjoyed the time, Cole looked beautiful, and she had a wonderful deep smile on her face for the entire week. What else could I Dad want? It was good.

Mother Nature took us to task this year already. The hail did $5,000 in damage to the new company car, the wind took down the greenhouse, and just yesterday, I cleaned up three downed trees from the last 100+ MPH wind storm. We are headed into a third straight week of high temperatures and high humidity with no rain in sight.

The summer is winding down with its long, humid days wearing you down if you work outside. The heat affects me so much more than it use to ... I never use to sweat and now after hitting 100 golf balls on the range, I look like I took a dip in the pond.

 

 

 

 

Today, I am off to a PSSI Board Meeting in Kohler, WI. Normal travel logistics exist - drive to Platteville to meet the plane, lunch in Kohler, golf Whistler Straits, dinner, and stay at the America Club. Tomorrow, our first board meeting with Harvest Partners who bought 60% of us on June 13 and another round of golf at the Irish Course.

Another Chapter

This  week will mark another chapter in our lives as we gather on Water Island to participate in the wedding of my oldest daughter. It will be a week-long event with 25 people joining us from the U.S. for the beach ceremony before hosting a Catholic Church wedding in Iowa and a small reception for around 100 at a state park. Cole has looked forward to this for a long time and her and Kolin will face the normal challenges life throws at any of us. They are intelligent and good people so they will do well.

While in your 20s it is easy to want things to move faster so you can see what is ahead. The problem is life moves far too fast and you should relish those times in your 20s because the will never be that simple again. Additionally, no matter how fast you travel down the road of life, it continues to race in front of you and you will be too focus catching the end to experience the journey.

My life continues to change dramatically with the sale of the company, J headed to Loras, Z becoming a senior and choosing his college, T returning for a month to the U.S., and Cole getting married. K and I seem to react to what is thrown at us and often times it seems we are not living but just going through the paces and getting older. Daily her work gets crazier with more patients and less help. I see her more on edge that she has been historically. As with any of us, when one part of our lives causes stress, all other parts are affected (read I feel the impact).

It will be fun to have 6 days in paradise with the family together for the first time since T's wedding in May of 2010. There are many moving parts to this wedding so I just hope things flow and there are no major issues. Hopefully, I will take the time to write and add pictures. I am sure the memories will be long lived.

Tara K - A Shining Spanish Star

Twenty six years ago, a baby girl entered the world with a small voice that only those in the delivery room heard. Since that day, that little voice has changed, matured, and found a home. Its home may be 5,000 miles away physically but it lives close to me. Deep in my heart, her words, her eyes, and her passion live with me. Tara was born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa at St. Luke's Hospital. I distinctly remember holding her in my arms leaving the delivery room looking at her deep black, straight hair that, when combined with the olive skin she inherited from her grandmother, gave her a look that was all her own. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tara was our second child and second daughter. She was quiet and small and often times you could not hear her voice because she was raised in a family where everyone fought for "air time". While Kim and I made the decision to add to our family, I remember the shock when Kim came out to the driveway in our Shueyville home while I washed our new car to tell me she was pregnant. T quickly filled a void and completed our small family. I remember how proud I was to go anywhere and show off my two little ladies and they returned the favor tenfold by doing anything for me.

Tara and Cole shared the challenges of moving from place to place as Kim and I found our voice - Shueyville, IA, St. Charles, IL, La Crosse, and finally Prairieburg. They weathered the change with resilience and each new home brought adventure and finding more friends. From Kinder Care in Elgin, to Blessed Sacrament and Aquinas in La Crosse, to Xavier in CR, and Loras in Dubuque. In each place Tara left her mark and each stop her voice became louder and more confident. 

Tara weathered the challenges of traveling to Cole's sports year round and growing up in her shadow. She began to carve out her own identity chasing her desire to act and sing relatively early in grade school. She enjoyed the theatre life and fought for the chances to let her voice be heard. She began cheer leading as well and was on the team at two different high schools and in college. She grew from a dark haired baby to the beautiful woman she is today.

One of my favorite stories occurred during T's senior year at Xavier. She won the lead in Bye Bye Birdee and the opening night was at 8:00 pm in Xavier's Theater. I was working that day in Springdale, AR and had an 11:00 am flight back to Cedar Rapids. Flights began getting delayed and I saw my window for getting home on time deteriorating. I made the decision after the third delay to rent a car and make the 8 hour drive. I raced across Missouri and Iowa and made it with 5 minutes to curtain time. I watched in total amazement as my "little" girl sang and acted with the confidence that stunned me. I was speechless and cried several times as the scenes unfolded in front of me. Her voice was heard.

Tara has always chased her dreams and they have taken her literally across the globe. I have been lucky enough to watch her bloom from a quiet little girl to a tall beautiful lady. Her hugs have meant so much to me and I remember so many of them - hugging her after that performance at Xavier, her graduation from Loras, the time she left the US for Spain and I knew things would never

 

be the same. My mind fills with how hard it is to break our embrace each time I leave her knowing how long it will be before I feel her arms around me again. We hugged and cried in the median at the Madrid airport and in the entry of our apartment in Santiago. I stood as a witness nearly a year ago giving her away to her new husband in a wedding that captured both Spanish and US cultures and brought families from two continents together in celebration.

It is with great love that I look back on the 26 years of laughter, tears, humility, and pride that Tara has brought me. She gets away with far too much with me. Only she could come to Mother's Day at Eagle Point and bring everyone to tears from laughing about the night out while keeping the details from me for years. I am sure there will be many more than I learn about long after the time they occurred.

Thank you T for who you are and the courage you demonstrated to follow your dreams. It is with great pride that I say I am your father. I speak with confidence when I boast that you have just begun to find your real voice and I anxiously await the next time I am a witness to the heights you have reached. I am a fan and a huge supporter. I love you. Happy Birthday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Cathedral Beach with her second most favorite man

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Singing in the rain duplication?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aquinas Cheerleaders

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey T - What is that purple stuff in your hair? Why are you having trouble sitting down? Mother's Day at Eagle Point - the questions I ask years later ...

 

 

 

 

 

My dishwasher

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 A Glass of wine at Beaver Park

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boating on McBride

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A proud father with two beautiful girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 years old and stars in your eyes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Loras Homecoming Court - Jim Collins filled in as your escort

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pitting cherries and drinking ice tea - the life of a farmer!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These pictures always get me - a picture you took pulling out of our drive looking back at our house for the last time ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

A heart wrenching day - putting your daughter on a plane in Chicago headed to Spain and a new life ...

 

 

 

 

 

I am not sure how you took this picture but it hits me - taken by you after clearing security in Chicago - our last waves good bye - you titled Mom and Dad looking through tears ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is an interesting time of year. The frozen tundra of Iowa is getting old. The days are getting longer which is great but after a week of 15 below and 14 inches of snow with 35mph winds, thinking of spring is just too far away. After investing 6 hours this week digging out 2,000 feet of driveways, I am thankful for my tractor.

Work wise, we are pushing toward a company sale that will bring many changes and I am sure somehow someway, I will be involved. We are off to a great start in sales yest we have lost some business as well. In a cost focused arena, someone will always under bid you. I am comfortable that we are doing well and will grow by more than our 8% goal. On the new responsibility of training, we are finding a foothold and the two new training managers are adjusting to not having to be in plants every night. We continue to have daily struggles of two cultures merging and the wrestling that goes on at the top levels is interesting and even scary at times. Bonuses came out so that will cause a wave throughout the organization with both those that feel deprived and fairly compensated. I stand in the latter.

We have much on our plate. Jake is gearing up to go to college, Zach is looking to complete high school and determine his path on further education. Kim and I talk and research places in Panama and find supporting facts and reasons to continue daily. Tara is getting ansey in her current position and is looking to make some sort of change. Cole is happy as a teacher but she continues to navigate her "wants" versus "needs" and the pressures of associates, catholic school restriction, money, and planning a wedding. Looking at it from afar, each of us is blessed but we seldom stop long enough to recognize the fact.

 Today, Kim and I will work on our retirement pan, paint the media room, have a bottle or wine, cook dinner, and start our preparation for our family party for the Super Bowl - go Steelers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are nearing the end of January and it is difficult to swallow another 60-days of living shut-in.  It doesn't make sense to live where three months of the year, my outside world goes dormant. The fact that I do not embrace the winter weather - I am not an avid hunter, skier, snowmobiler, etc. - makes the time drag by. I have cleaned areas out that were without attentions for years. However, there are numerous areas that need attention. I invest far too much time researching and looking around on this damn computer. I read and I have begun to paint but remain unsure whether I have the necessary skills to continue that avenue.

We continue to research and discuss Panama but it seems far away and for every answer comes two new questions. Like most things, I think it is more about committing and go for it and not regret your decision than anything. The biggest hurdle is leaving everything you know behind. You are changing your world (literally) and you can compare and contrast but the key is to accept and value the differences.

Today, I will read, write, paint, clean, watch the NFL play-offs, and have family over for dinner including Kim's parents before the head to AZ for 40-days and Cole/Kolin. It will be fun as we will talk, drink, and make home-made pasta. For the past two weeks, I have gotten out of bed at 3:30 am - it allows me to have a longer quite time, focus on what I want without distraction, but makes for a long day. I am looking at the clock at 8 pm now and do not as frequently even make it to 10 pm before heading to bed.

Work-wise things are continuing to struggle to find our identity - since the merger, we continue with two sides to the company and daily struggles with egos. I am often a man without an island as I come from one side of the equation but report to the other. With the eminent sale of the company this year and a top heavy management structure, it will be an interesting year. Next week will be interesting with $10,000 in entertainment money with me, the CEO nw traveling with us, and the division president who contributes to the divisiveness being the primary driver, I will be navigating a minefield all week. We are staying in Buckhead and the show is at the Georgia Dome. I may need more than luck to make things go smooth.

My mind contnues to be full of thoughts on opportunities, people, mistakes I make, issues I need to work through and new challeneges. My mind often works hard than it should - I struggle at times to keep up.

In Memory

Just before Christmas, we lost a work associate and a friend in Mike. Yesterday his wife wrote to us and her words say so much about who Mike was as a human being ...

Todd, I wanted to thank you for the the thoughtful email you wrote.  I agree with you 100%!  Mike always put family and friends ahead of himself.  He was a wonderful husband, dad, and friend to all. He was a father-figure to many of my children's friends.  He tried to instill appropriate life values and goals to many. He would discuss the importance of respecting authority figures, getting good grades, and having a good work ethic. He had quite a troubled childhood and wanted others not to suffer as he had. Often on the weekends we would take our children and numerous friends bowling, out to eat, shopping, or to the movies.  He of course would treat, as many of the kids had a "rougher life than ours." I feel very blessed to have spent 17 years of my life with him. He will always have a special place in my heart. What a wonderful tribute to my husband to have so many people in his life that truly appreciated him! Take care and have a safe, prosperous year.  Sincerely, Betsy

  2007 - a skinny Mike after giving up carbs





Mike loved to 4-wheel with the kids

You do not need to be a Catholic to feel the power in this message. This link is the trailer to a video series coming out on Catholicism later this year. It is powerful.

https://www.wordonfire.org/the-catholicism-project/new-trailer.aspx

Where I Stand

 
Yesterday, we spent time in Dubuque Iowa on two early morning college visits with Jake.  Finding the right college fit for Jake is one of the most important things I can do right now. As with many 18 year olds, things can easily get confusing - between parents, school, the transition for being a boy to becoming a man, outside influences of friends, women (girls), and the pressure of life begins when your mind may not be ready.

We set up visits at Loras College and University of Dubuque. The early morning walk around Loras at 14 degrees, was a wake up call. Our tour guide, Kate from Freeport did a nice job of explaining and talking about her experience. As a junior, Biology Major, and headed to Med School, there were clearly some common ground. I graduated from Loras College in 1979. Both of my daughters graduated from my alma mater as well as my brother. The investment in this small college has been high.

Jake had never really had Loras on his target list as he did not want to follow the same path. I wonder where he got that trait - I was always one to choose to do anything other than the "lemmings" in front of me. However, during our tour of the classrooms, the library, the new atheletic areas, and the dorms, Jake began to see a better fit. I felt it as well when near the end of our tour an old friend popped in to talk - Jim Collins, president of Loras. Jim graduated with my brother and we got to know each other while Cole went to school. He was very sharp, direct, accommodating, and personable. We said our good byes and made our way yo University of Dubuque.

There we went through a financial discussion with Shane (Head of Retention) with two other possible enrolls - Blaize from Seymore, WI and a young brother duo from downstate IL. After we completed that we met our guide who was from Linn Mar and a wrestler at UD. He took us to meet with Dr Richardson, the business department assistant chair. The man was one of the best - he was passionate, young, full of energy and asked the right questions - "what is your defining criteria for choosing a school." If you do not have it, if it was nice day, the food was good, or your saw a beautiful girl you may make a college decision for all the wrong reasons. he emphasised a point that we had discussed - finding the right fit. In our 25 minute talk, he was impressive and a few things stuck with me - intentionally intrusive - going to students cross country meets or anything to see them outside the classroom and asking questions like "why weren't you here last class?" Finding where you stand in life and basing your decision on the right reasons.

The tour through campus was impressive - newer buildings, easy to walk campus, and general friendly feel. On cnclusion, Jake felt better about Loras and could see himselt there which caught both Kim and I off guard. I have sid over and over - I believe undergraduate school can be any one of a sizabe list - they key is to find the right fit, graduate in 4 years, and the all important get involved in everything - make it yours.

 

Stay Hungry - Stay Foolish

Moments ago, I viewed a youtube of Steve Jobs commencement speech at Stanford University in 2006. Steve, in his typical simplistic way, inspired by telling three stories from his life - Connecting the Dots; Love and Loss; Death. If you know anything about Steve Jobs, you know he started Apple, NeXT, and Pixar. To say the least, he was successful at each of those ventures. Last year, he took a compensation of $1 for running Apple. However, he owns 5.5 million shares of Apple stock which increased in value by 60% in 2010. He is not starving.

What was the take away from investing 15 minutes of watching Jobs on youtube? Many things could be garnered. First, is a deep respect for anyone that can take complex subject such as life and distill it into simple terms where everyone can both understand and relate. Additionally, Steve has a very relaxed persona - I am assuming, if you were talking with him,  you would feel tensions letting go as his words, his demeanour, his purpose is clearly non-threatening, accepting, and thoughtful. Lastly, he inspires. Many people can manage, few can lead, fewer can inspire. 

 

 

 Connecting the Dots

Your can never connect the dots going forward; only as you look back. This is his way of saying at times things happen for a reason that, at the time, are mpossible to understand - later you can look back and see how important that link has become. He told the story of following his curiosity and intuition and later it proved to become an important part of who he became. You have to trust things will connect - it will provide you the necessary confidence to succeed.

Love and Loss

We have all heard the words, do what you love and you will never work another day ... even after Jobs was fired, he went back to what he loved as a beginner again - it refreshed and refocused his mind. He recommended keep looking for what you love - never settle for less.

Death

Death is a destination we all share. Death is a change agent - out with the old and in with the new - we all feel it. It is the cycle of life. He used to ask himself in the mirror, if today is it am I doing what I want to do? If his answer was "no"too many days, he changed what he was doing. He went on to give a story about Earth News and the words on the back cover of its final publication in 1975; Stay Hungry - Stay Foolish

 

It is well worth the look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc

Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement

What Did We Learn?

 
Kim and Orlando - a local artist at the El Valle market

After months of research,planning, and thousands of dollars invested in a trip  to Panama, what did we actually learn? First off, Panama is not the U.S. One third of Panama's population lives on less than $1 per day. Poverty is evident at every turn. However, these people are not unhappy. While I am far from a world traveler, I have never experienced a population of people who were content, non-abrasive, willing to help, and generally, happy.

The lack of road rage was clearly evident in our 2,500 kilometers of travel. Drivers would allow you to make mistake or get in front of them - it was never a race. That alone is a dramatic change. Traffic in Panama City was heavy. Cabs or professional city drivers, gave ground easily and the sound of horns or use of horns was more of a "hey I am here" versus a get the hell out of my way. I become accustom to the "lighthearted" beep-beep of drivers letting you know they were close.

The real difference is the people. Yes, the country is very connected to the U.S. - same currency, same electrical set up (115v), they use the U.S. military for protection, they have a non-socialistic government - but yet, the people are the core difference.

In Panama, people are looking for work and they really are not concerned with what level of difficulty the task takes. Time and time again we witnessed people doing jobs that would never make it in the U.S. - Using a brush to clear water off a large cement pad, cleaning acres with a machete; mowing the medians on highways with a weedwacker; pouring cement by using a sieve to separate gravel; brushing down a metal fence that was 70 meters long.

These people are not in a race to survive. They will be fine; with or without you. The general feeling is relax; everything will be fine; just roll with it. Things will never go perfectly but just letting things happen has a huge advantage.

In Panama, you can easily get help. No matter what the situation, if you need assistance, the vast majority of Panama people will stop what they are doing and help you. If you are lost, they will take the time to help you. If you need serious help - being pushed out or medical assistance; they will do what it takes. A gardener, a maid, a cook, a handy man - $10/ day. Men go down the streets with a megaphone attached to their truck letting people know they are available. Many of the cabs in the rural areas are a combination of trucks/sedans and will not only provide a ride they will bring that furniture you bought as well.

 
Kim picks out her goods for dinner in Las Sireas

You can live cheap. We learned quickly, that if you get to the right places, they charge the same for a gringo as a local - a loaf of bread was $0.45, 2 pounds of tomatoes, a red onion, a large pineapple, 6 grapefruit - total at the roadside stand was $3.05 - a 5lb tuna off the boat was $1. Gas is $3.25/gallon - clean water in El Valle was abundant - high speed intranet - a little bit more difficult - we stopped at the library on main street in El Valle and it was slow but 3 of us for a total of 2 hours was $2.

85% of the people are Catholic. 65% of the population is a mix of american indian/mulatto. The average annual income is $7,500 per year. This is not the U.S. But then again, it is not trying to be. They are comfortable in their own skin.

Going To a Rain Forest at Night

 

Glass frog

At 7:15 pm with a steady rain, Mario the snake man drove up to pick Zach and I up at the Golden Frog Bed and Breakfast. We got into his jalopy and as we backed out a woman from the hotel knocked on the window and asked if she could join. Once Gail had gotten into her rain forest clothes, we drove to the back trails and parked the car. A man sitting on the porch of a beat-up small home called out “Is it Mario?” He confirmed and we went on our way reaching the sounds and smells of a wet forest. The River Anton was rushing and Mario stopped and waded in to check the opposite bank for snakes.  Nothing.

 

"flying" walking stick - Mario the teacher

We continued up a narrow path finding frogs, grasshoppers, cockroach, flying-walking stick, and bats. At one point two men covered in plastic bags passed us and Mario said they were walking to a small village 2 hours away. Half way on our trip the path went away and we began going along and across the river several times. I remember Mario saying tennis shoes, jeans, and long sleeve shirts would be fine for the trip. However, he wore knee high rubber boots, a heavy rain jackets and a LED spotlight on his head. By the time my golf hat, light jacket, hiking pants, and hiking shoes were soaked through, I wondered why we didn’t wear garbage bags.

 

Mario has fun with a long-tailed chameleon

 

The chameleon was upset

At about the right point and the steady rain continuing, Mario directed us on our path back. We found a half eaten parrot which he took particular interest in examining and taking pictures of before placing back where he found it. Every frog or bug he schooled us on was taken back to the exact leaf it was found. Mario would be walking and suddenly stop and spot a bug or frog hiding in the leaves of trees. We saw sleeping birds, frog eggs, wild orchids, and then a long-tailed chameleon. He played and hissed at the upset chameleon before placing him back on the branch.

 

10 wheel barrows full of water cress

 

Same area without Mario - Zach found this one the next day

We ran into a team of locals working the river bank and with wheel barrows harvesting water crest. On the road back Mario stopped the car abruptly and beckoned us out of the car to see a snake in the road. He kept the snake in his hand and drove to the hotel saying he would return it to the forest tomorrow. We paid Mario $100 and left happy, chilled, and drenched.

Leaving for El Valle de Anton

 

Pool side at the new RIU Hotel in Panama City

With Zach sick and an hour to spare, Kim and I went to the RIU Hotel form breakfast. The hotel opened in September 2010 and cost $120mm. The modern, clean look of the hotel was impressive – beautiful lobby and a great pool area. We heard the breakfast was incredible and the results lived up to the hype, an entire large room was filled with tables holding breads, 10 different types of cooked eggs, smoked salmon, cereals, fruits, smoothies, and juices. It was an incredible breakfast with an American price of $16 each.

 

 

The amazing lobby of the RIU Hotel

 We picked up Zach and Chewy took us to the airport to get our rental car. After getting through the slow process of renting, we followed Chewy through the city in a brand new Toyota Tercel. He took us to a couple of developments 10 minutes past the Bridge of the Americas. We toured one house with drop ceilings, two bathrooms, two bedrooms for $80,000. Due to the surrounding poverty and 700 house all the same, it felt like a trailer court with foundations.

We parted ways with Chewy agreeing to meet Thursday afternoon. We were on our own. We fired up the GPS and immediately ignored its directions. The highway took us through one small town after the other each showing crowded streets, small shops, and poverty.

 
El Valle - the village is nestled in the crater of a volcano that was formed during an eruption six million years ago - El Valle is the largest inhabited crater in the world at 5 kilometers wide

We turned the corner to go up the mountain to El Valle after a 90 minute drive and things began to immediately look better. The houses were cleaner, bigger, and there was more land between properties. The road was fairly good with a few potholes but it was winding and relatively narrow. The commuting buses were plentiful and the number of Movie Star logo bus stops it became clear, this was the locals primary mode of transportation.

 

Sunday market in El Valle

We came into El Valle and stopped at the Texaco for a banos but #1 they could not understand and #2, there was not one.  This was not your typical Texaco – booze, groceries, household items, tools, and hardware. We made our way to the Golden Frog. The Bed and Breakfast was up the mountain but less than a kilometer from the main road through the village. Becky and Larry met us and welcomed us in to the eccentric mix of buildings. Zach was still not feeling well so we got him settled and headed out to the city market. It was misting and cool; temperatures around 70. The market was winding down and not crowded with each person selling their wares. Kim bought a piece of art, a bano sign, and a hand sewed purse.

 

Kim with Orlando, the local feather artist at the market

Yesterday, after one week abroad, the best words you can hear from the U.S. Customs agent; Welcome Home.

Heading North

Today, we head home from our Panama trip with early flights to Miami and then Chicago. With so many things that could be hurdles to getting home this time of year, hopefully it will go smooth. Some of the last pictures are below.

 
3 pounds of tomatoes, 5 grapefruit, one pineapple, 2 onions = $3

 
Our 5 pound tuna filets - $1

 

three toes sloth - lazy monekeys !

 

Hard to believe but picture taken by an unknown couple Kim engaged in conversation in the rain forest 

 

a house we looked at in El Valle - nestled in the rain forest and next to our Columbian friends - never know when we might need his helicopter!

 

backside of house we looked at - guest house in back

 

 

square tress (also found in Iowa)

 

Our fishermen headed out before sunrise

 

Yes that is me lending a hand getting the boat in the water - I figured I owed them after the $1 tuna

 

Hammer head shark head found on our beach walk - something we see often in Iowa as well

 

Kim showing expression talking to Mario the snakeman - most likely something I told her before but far more impactful coming from another person

 

Our cottage at the Golden frog and home of the nights of terror - wind, rain, noises, no electricity

 
Casco Viejo

Panama City skyline 

 
Albrook mall - looked to be bigger than Mall of America and more crowded