It is a rainy cold Monday outside of Chicago. It was nearly three years ago that I left warm SWFL and the memories still linger. Different types of focus. Different priorities. A change in scenery and weather. Most importantly is the dramatic shift in relationships. Many times I feel like an outsider in my own family. I have not seen or heard from my eldest daughter or her two boys for three years, my Mother has passed away and was my strength and friend, and my home is scattered across three different locations in two countries with everything I built — houses, vineyards, ponds, a nature preserve — all sold and passed on to new owners.
Today, I reflect on the past and how lucky I was to experience the people, places and things I still hold close. Do I waiver on my decisions? Of course I have many thoughts that go back to people and places I loved and may never see again. I miss the family the way it was no matter how dysfunctional it was. That I cannot change or recover. It is a memory that fades more every passing day. It is my history and I am determined to not allow the past to discolor my future.
Today, I am back working now for over 100 days. The position is very relaxed yet the stakes are high — pay for performance and considerable travel. I feel very little pressure. I can successfully conduct and grow the business and surpass expectations. If at any point, the job becomes the problem, I resign. My goal is to move the market segment forward considerably. I have made an impact already and will continue until I review it again in July and October of this year. My estimate it I will go until January 2020.
I look forward and see my life, although completely different from I imagined many years ago, putting me in a great place to decide where, when, and what without tremendous concern for the how. I am in a pretty good place mentally and physically - I can do what I want; God Willing! So where do I go? I have so many places and experience I want — kayak the Colorado River, hike Glacier National, drive the PCH, walk the Way of St James, see an African migration, visit Croatia, see the Northern Lights, stare at the Milky Way without artificial light interference, swim in the Mediterranean, and on and on.
All of this could be so empty without people. I have never had an issue making friends but deep relationships take much more work and require multiple people. I am confident that I will get there but don't know what it will look like along the way. I am not scared yet I am anxious.