My Life As I Know It

The Northwoods - A New World

In late 2020, we struggled to find answers to a pandemic world where it seemed everything was turned upside down. Our travel was limited, we could not see people in large groups, and the primary focus was staying healthy in the middle of horror stories and people's lives being destroyed by covid. I began looking for a cabin in the woods. In the beginning, the idea was far fetched to say the least - buried in nature, a lake, isolation void of people but full of nature and counting on yourself to be strong enough to survive. Don't be mistaken - I would still have my coffee maker and access to my sports watching. 

I wanted to disconnect from stupidity knowing full well, I could never escape it. However, I deeply wanted a different life than streets full of speeding cars and people you did not trust and that didn't really care about you unless you were in their way.

I began living on zillow - looking at areas, best places, and best deals on a woods, a lake, and some level of seclusion. When my wife asked me what and why I was searching, I replied it was nothing but interesting. I slowly started sharing great looking properties with her and her level of interest and questions slowly increased. On April 15, 2021 we bought 2 acres of lakefront on Petenwell Lake - the second largest inland lake in Wisconsin. It was wooded and a great location - less than 3 hours from our home and it looked and felt different. We began meeting with builders and became serious about design and priorities. Our first bid came in double what we budgeted. After 60 days of weekly price increased, cutting our house plans to shreds,  and inability to get building materials, we began a new search for an existing house. 

I was back on the search path and this time Debby joined me. We searched high and low with the priorities being a great lake view, a lake of 0ver 200 acres, a wooded lot, a 3 season room, a garage, a minimum of 2 bedrooms and 2 baths. The real estate market was nuts - housing selling in 24 hours for 20% over list with buyers 5 deep.

We found a real estate agent in the far northern piece of Wisconsin and she did a remarkable job of finding great properties - she knew the area and was an avid fisherman so she knew every lake. We put a great deal of trust in her and began making five hour drives to walk through houses on very short notice. Our first two offers were unsuccessful - one out bid by $120,000 and another lost at the last hour after a verbal acceptance. We were beginning to rethink the hows and whys of the dream.

We put the idea of buying a northwoods home on the back burner. We focused on our trip to Germany. In Germany, we would look at new properties that came on the market in Wisconsin but we were not serious until one night in Muggendorf, Debby saw a property that we nixed before had dropped its price by $50k. We asked our relator to look at it and she said it was worth bidding on. We put together the paperwork and an escalator and ended up buying the property, sight unseen, for $15k over asking in a bid war. It was ours. Now we had to see it...

Moving into 2024

It just feels different. Perhaps it is the time of year and turning the calendar to 2024. Maybe it the depth of my thoughts or the process of aging. While I am in a good place mentally, there is still much to consider. This past year I have made measurable progress in the areas of relationships, travel and having fun, increase my time reading, and most importantly I have stood in the moment more than any other year of my life.

I have taken in my Dad's smile on his 96th birthday as the grand children visited. I have had deep talks with my Dad on our memories and the strength of our relationship. He said straight out to me whether I learned more from him or he learned more from me in our life together. I thanked God many times for the time and days I had with my Father. I watched him struggle. I heard him condemn living this long. I listened to his desire to be with my Mom, his Mom, my brother, and his brother. I helped him get dressed and felt the difficulty of simple acts - getting up out of a chair, putting his pants on, pulling on a shirt while he was in a wheel chair, and his lack of clarity in many situations. Looking in his blue eyes I still saw life and the desire to not give up.

I stood numerous times this year at the end of my dock in Northern Wisconsin and took in the beauty of God and the fresh air. I watch day break more times than I can remember from the point. I was amazed when otters swam within inches of me their air bubbles marking the progress of their underwater hunt. I stood at the end of that dock and took in the changes we made in landscaping and a new addition finally materializing in front of my eyes. I stood in awe. I stood in reverence. I expressed gratitude for being in that place at that moment.

 

 

 

 

 

I had so many times during our trip to Italy to absorb the place, the sounds, the beauty, and the smells. The moments shook me to the core. Italy in a place to take in the entire experience and recognize and appreciate the differences. Our time there was nothing short of amazing. I want to adopt more of that lifestyle - the appreciation of fresh, high quality food. The perfect mix of time, temperature, and quality product that comes together and taste so amazingly different. Their simplicity of life - the focus on quality versus speed.

I look over the past year and my life's path in amazement, wonder, and a feeling of both satisfaction, the desire to improve, and my want to experience more envelops me. I have never been good at slowing down but each day brings more times I pull off the accelerator, set the cruise control at the speed limit to arrive a little later but happier.

 

Hanging On

Something that has shaken me to the bone has been witnessing the continuing decline of my Father. Granted, he is three weeks from being 97 years old but, the idea of losing a Father, the last living parent, the end of a generation of eight children, is hard to swallow. I feel so blessed to have him as my Father, my role model, my mentor all wrapped in one man. Honest, fair, consistent, soft spoken, and principle-based. He is irreplaceable. 

My Dad was a white collar senior manager for a large food processing plant in the Midwest. He left the house every day of the week at 5:15 am. He came home for lunch at noon - ate lunch, said a rosary, and returned to work at the large plant. He came home around 6 pm, drank two beers before dinner. He did this for 47 years. He never missed a day sick, a snow day or other excuse. Everyone counted on him and he rose to the level of being the number one operations manager in a plants with over 3,000 union employees. He was tough, direct, fair, and had a temper. We knew not to cross him yet we knew he would always be on our side. He was a man among men in an age that will never be duplicated.

On Thursday, I saw him at his new assisted living home. The new house has 39 residents. My Dad is in the top 3 considering mental capacity and having his mind together. The place he left was well over 100 residents and he was one of the bottom 5. It was a trip from a luxury hotel to a nice large home - new, big, lots of staff but many "zombies" walking around. It was and continues to be difficult for me to get my mind around. On Friday I came into his room and he was asleep, half undressed, and I thought he was dead. His first words were how could my kids take everything I own and put me in a place like this. He was so negative for the first half hour and then he turned the corner and talked about memories. It was hard to listen to him. It was hard to refute. It is losing your Father one step at a time and it doesn't feel good.

My cousin, my wife, and I walked away at noon Friday leaving my Dad at the lunch table. He was by himself by his choice. I see in his eyes the thoughts and the desire not to continue. He wants to be reunited with my Mother, his brother, his Mother and my brother. Our role is to keep him safe and enjoy as many days/hours as he has left. I can't imagine losing him...

I invested the time yesterday to look through pictures from 2023. It caught me how many experiences were captured in less than a year. Seeing pictures of my Dad celebrating his 96th birthday. His smile, his reactions to grandkids and family. Now, just over 10 months have passed, and he has deteriorated a great deal. He requires much more help and he is "tuned in" less frequently. He is ready and done and has been for a while. I am so damn lucky to have him as a Father, a role model, a hero for so long. Our relationship has been through the normal roller coaster of emotions and I regret how many times I disappointed or hurt him. However, he has always had a special place for me in his heart. I see it when I walk through the door. Others recognize it as well. I can't imagine him not being on this earth and a part of my life but he is gradually slipping away.

We spent a month in Colombia in February, a month in Italy on a remarkable trip in May, I was on the Northwoods July through October with renovation of our WI home, back to Colombia with my son and his wife in November, and here I sit in the library this early morning in Illinois. It has been a whirlwind of a year. So much time with friends and family - time with my favorite cousin from Omaha, time with our northwoods friends snowshoeing and traveling Lake Superior, exploring Italy with my brother, and Medellin with my son. Tons of memories - great experiences and it makes me wonder why am I so blessed. Why do I deserve this?

Today, the year begins to close out. It seems like the year has quickly passed through my hands. I see and feel things slipping away - my Dad, losing my aunt, losing people from our community up north, and see myself age. I am more peaceful than I have been for a long time yet there is a sense of urgency to experience more because of my age and the lack of time left. It has been nothing short of a remarkable journey. I am excited to see what is next.